Happy Mother’s Day!!

Mother's Day
Google’s Image : Happy Mother’s Day

It’s been fantastic to celebrate Mother’s day every year. Especially when you are a mother and the family treats you special (at least) for a day. This day is special to all mothers. Though, I don’t remember celebrating it as a child. Such things didn’t exist back then. What was so great about being a mother?! Everyone had a mother and they all did the same stuff? There were hardly enough reasons to celebrate. To be honest, it feels bit awkward to wish my mother on this day. It wasn’t a thing while I was growing up. I wonder why Hindutva group didn’t make a fuss about “mother’s day”, like how they do for “Valentine’s day”? Anyways,  that’s a different convo altogether.

I did wish her. She shyly replied, “Thank You”. Her words left me teary. I wanted to say much more and thank her for the wonderful life, I am living. Thank both parents for all the efforts they put in to give us a better life. Remembering it all in one day is not enough. One has to be ‘grateful’ every single day. Somebody has rightly said, “Mother is the messenger of god because he can’t be everywhere”.

Let’s talk about remembering it. On the day itself, people post wonderful messages on Social Media about how much they appreciate their mothers. But should we really restrict ourselves to posting messages just on one day? Instead, should we not call them every day to check on them (if you are staying away from your parents)? One call won’t cost much but it may be the world to your parents who remember and worry about you every single day.

Coming back to my being a ‘mother’. My kids are still young to understand this day. It took me 30 years and 2 kids to understand what a mother means? Earlier she was just a mother. But now every time my kids throw tantrums, don’t eat, cry endlessly and do everything that I don’t like them to do, I remember her (my mother) and recall every nasty thing I did to her. I was not an easy child for sure. Your child is a reflection of you. Trust me it’s like nature’s cycle of karma. If I could change one thing in past then that would be, being grateful to my mother for everything she did. She had a career on top of taking care of us. I had an amazing childhood even though my parents had to go through immense struggles and I saw them conquering each one of them. They were much stronger than I am today. Hats off to them really!

Being a new mother, you tend to be excited about ‘Mother’s day’. I ended up sending Mother’s day message to all my friends who are wonderful mothers. I wanted to take this opportunity to connect with people who I have not been in touch with for numbers of reasons. It’s a terrific way to check on each other. Everyone is busy in their lives. Though we are always connected through technology, I feel we are more disconnected now. The worse is that people have time to send forwarded messages on WhatsApp but their fingers pain to type a personalized message. How could you reply a personal message with a forwarded one?! Someone is taking an effort to write to you, at least have that respect and respond to them wholeheartedly. Just because you can, you shouldn’t reply immediately. Take your time to think through and then respond. I guess many people are missing handheld etiquettes. Probably we are unable to catch up with the advancement of technology and produce enough handheld literates. So, next time if someone is messaging you, please take note of following things:

1) Read but don’t reply immediately

2) Think through and then reply when you have time.

3) If the message is urgent and you can’t pick up, let them know briefly you will get back.

4) Don’t reply forwarded message to a personal one.

5) Don’t intrude into someone’s space by sending too many forwarded messages.

6) And please for god sake’s, if someone wishes you, please don’t just end at “same to you”

There may be another side to this, which I can’t see so help me see that by commenting below. Happy to hear your thoughts.

Don’t try to fit in!

Guys, I have to apologize for being away for so long. I joined back my full -time job. It is taking a bit of time to settle down. Even though I was not writing, words were murmuring into my ears. I was very tempted to go back to writing. Without getting into the further details of the reasons for being away, let’s dive into today’s topic.

Dont fit in.PNG

We moved into the new house earlier this year and now I moved into a new job. Over the years, there were several changes in our life. Because of those changes, I strongly feel about this topic. Never try to fit in. Whether it’s personal or professional life, don’t compromise. Really! If you feel that the universe is not in tandem with your deep inner- feelings then you know something is not right. Instead of suppressing those feelings, take action! Think how and what can you change to bring back that positive momentum.

Last few months, I have been talking to many companies. And while you are talking to interviewers, it is not difficult to guesstimate whether you like the people and culture. Even if you had the best of the interviews, even if the role is closer to your dream role and even if you are getting a dream package, at the end of the day what matters is happiness and contentment. Your office impacts your everyday life. Office colleagues are part of daily routine. So, if you force yourself then you may be fundamentally misaligned for a long time. For some, it leaves a lasting impact and changes them as a person. The first three months is the best time to understand this. At the end of the work day, you should feel happy and hopeful. And if you are not, trust me, take a plunge, find something you love. I can guarantee that people have survived even after quitting their dream company.

Similarly, in personal life, you meet endless people every day. With some, you connect, with some you don’t. And there may be chances that you are not connecting with 80% of the people and that is ‘absolutely’ fine. Most of the people don’t care about you, they care about themselves. So, in case you are successful in life or doing well, there are high chances that people will despise you. You may be surrounded by sycophants who don’t truly appreciates your success. Just hanging around for their own selfish motives. If ever you feel in life that people are just against you or you put off a lot of people, you should take it positively. People are jealous and can’t stand your success. That should be a success milestone. Successful people are generally lonely. They should make a little extra effort to go out and make friends. But make sure you don’t force yourself. That will only lower down self-esteem and that is not good for your emotional health.

I will get back to you with more topics like this soon. If you like this point, don’t forget to like, share and comment.

Powerful tool on client leadership!

Empowering Women

I don’t know how many of you got a chance to go to corporate training. Usually, corporate training is supposed to be fun. Relaxing on the beach, boozing and partying are common in most training. Training is one of the perks that bigger organisations use as a bait to retain their top-performing employees. I was totally hooked on to it and attended several training sessions. Our training used to be gruesome but fun.

Most of the training that I attended was based on Time Management skills, Client servicing, Pitching process, Financials etc. One of the most interesting training was Client Leadership . It felt as if I got a tool for life. It is very powerful and can be applied anywhere in corporate life. There was a two-day training in phuket. I am not sure if I can detail out the entire learning but I will share as much I could –

So, name of…

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3 Grave Mistakes All Working Women are doing!

It’s been ten years in advertising, work has become a significant part of life. I decided to take a break, when I found out that work had overtaken my life. I eat, drink and sleep work. Initially, I decided to take a six-month break, but then cut it short to 3 months.
During my break, I am meeting many women who are spending long hours in offices. That’s when I realized that all working women are doing similar mistakes. One should fix it to lead a more fruitful life.

Self worth
working life

3 grave mistakes that all working women are doing today:

1) Associating “self-worth” with the office:

Working women know how important office is, in their life! Going to office and creating a value in the company is a huge motivation. They are proud of being financially independent, meeting people and doing something beyond household responsibilities.

Gradually, you start identifying yourselves as “whatever position” you are holding in the company. You start associating your self-worth with the position. You hold some value outside office. Your family/friends/loved ones don’t love you because of that position in office. They love you because of who you are. They are proud of your achievements but they don’t associate your life success with office success.
It’s important that women start considering a real life. Taking care of people who care for you. Work-life is fickle but life beyond work stays.

2) Not paying “enough” attention to the family:

Let’s all admit that as a working wife and mother, we tend to pass on the responsibilities to a helper. I won’t blame you because after a long day at work who wants to entertain kids or do the cooking! But again, from the first point, (if in your mind) office is more important then you tend to spend more time there. All I am saying is that it is important to balance life. Being a career oriented is good but being overly ambitious (with a family at home) is not good. There are many women who miss out on their baby’s first walk or their first smile. They regret later in life. Don’t spend time with the family physically but be involved mentally as well. It can be exhausting but then you will understand soon that’s it is all worth it. I am sure you are taking care of your family in the best possible way. All I am saying is that you can do better.

3) Paying “attention” to the health:

And this is not just about physical health. I am talking about mental and emotional health too. What do you do to keep your emotional health up? What do you do for yourself? The usual reaction is where is the time? And yes! working in an office could be tiring. But if it is tiring you and you are not enjoying, do you still want to do it? Most of the women would say “yes”. Because they want to keep holding their illusion (important) life. Putting a load on only one side of the vehicle is dangerous. If it bursts, your life is derailed. To maintain a balanced life, think about spending time in doing something you love (any hobby) or meeting new people, traveling, making friends outside of work, creating a beautiful life outside of work life. And that is long lasting.

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FDWs are only to help, Not to replace You!

Empowering Women

You must have heard the news of a couple being punished for ill treating the maid. It’s a sad. In many cases, it is hard to judge whether the employer or the helper is at fault. Since, employers have more power, they tend to ill-treat the helper. It’s no better than the modern day slavery. Helpers cannot wear certain dresses, cannot eat food, cannot sleep at certain hours and the list goes on. Nagging about helpers is never-ending. Over the years, I employed quite a few and started understanding the situation little bit better.

Employers expect the maid to replace them when they are not around. But maids are only to assist. The other day I visited Library with my 4 year old daughter. We were sitting with our books in one corner. While I was struggling to make her read, I saw a lady who was really struggling with less than 18 month old baby. From…

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An effort to cope with fakeness around!

Few of my friends suggested that my writing style is more like a personal diary and that is true. I am not aspiring to be a full- fledged writer anytime soon. So, all feedback are welcome. This blog is more about my experiences from day to day life and sharing the learning from them.

My most recent challenge was when my elder daughter (Rhea) complained about her hair. Apparently, someone in the class told her that her hair looks messy (which was true because it is thick and wavy and without oil, it’s all over the place). She wanted to have a straight long hair just like her close friend Liona. When she told me for the first time, I was bit taken aback. I didn’t have a proper answer. So, I told her she has a beautiful hair and I loved her a lot. Of course, she wasn’t convinced and me neither. She turned around and said,”But your hair is straight too and I like your hair and I want same as yours”. I was totally caught by the moment. How do I tell her that my straight hair is fake? I had to undergo a treatment to make it straight. My natural hair is just like hers.

I can’t blame her for asking something that she sees around her all the time. I don’t understand the obsession behind straight hair. Everyone has similar texture and color. I was still thinking, how do I get her to value what she has? I felt awful. Even if I tell her the truth, two issue – first she may not understand about the treatment and it will confuse her more. Secondly,  this will give a signal that I am not happy with what I have. Our desire to attain perfection has grown to an extent that now we have more beauty salons/treatments than ever before. Women are getting various treatments to have a perfect eye, shape, and/or legs. These cosmetic treatments may be blessing for some but the issue is that even a good looking women are trying to enhance their beauty. Though good looks is a relative term. We all have forgotten that beauty is internal and not external. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. Young girls are obsessed with beauty treatments from hair to eyes to skin treatments. An age when they are still growing and a lot can change. Few acne on their face and literally bomb drop somewhere.

When I came to Singapore, I was amazed by the perfect skin, body and hair of the girls. During office hours, every girl would look picture perfect, straight from the salon and ready to go to some party or event. So, coming from a country where average girls didn’t know much about personal care (or probably I was weird), to a country where everyone looked so perfect. Much later, I realised that a lot of effort and money goes into looking this groomed. The only problem to that is that people are way too much engrossed in good looks. This makes society shallow and fake.

My challenge was how to get Rhea be proud of what she has. So,I gave her a googly. I told her that I bought a special shampoo that makes her hair look wavy and beautiful. And when her hair grows long, it would look like Elsa/Anna from Frozen. She bought that story and went and told her friends. And I must say she has inherited some good communication skills. Her friends were convinced and excited about the shampoo. I wonder what would have happened to all the mothers that evening! But I had passed the ball from my court and was feeling much relaxed. Now Rhea happily combs her hair and look into the mirror confidently. And I have won the battle for the time being.

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Who would take on the Dirty Part!

First of all, I should apologize for staying away for so long. I have been very busy last few days. There have been life changing events which kind of broaden/changed view about the world. I am sure you will enjoy my interesting encounter with LIFE. I will share more in later posts.

Today’s post is about BABIES. I and my husband are in the early 30s. At this age, I see that many of my friends are still enjoying either singlehood or their married life with no kids. In such situation having two kids – one toddler and another baby amuses a lot of people. Few of them are still in disbelief and fail to understand what was the hurry! Well, it was important because we wanted to go the old school way and also what medical science permits. Having the first baby before the age of 30 (for women) is what is recommended by a doctor and there is absolutely nothing more important than hitting this deadline. There will always be feeling that we should have more money before the baby is born so that we can give a better life. There will always be career, travel plans, fearing of losing a single selfish life. But the fact is that babies are least bothered about how much money you have, what kind of clothes you will buy or how expensive is the bed etc. They are there just to fill up your life with happiness and contentment. And it’s all about growing up together rather than raising a six-month-old when you turn 40.

We went to a mall yesterday. There was this dancing class going on which is organised to engage old men and women. Both the daughters started tapping their feet and that led to full-fledged dancing. Of course, they had their own moves and were not following the aunties. The crowd that gathered around were totally enchanted by the girls and their act. Many young couples are looking at them with aspiring parents eyes and passersby including would-be mums were stopping to take a look. It was indeed very flattering. Because after noticing them, people were looking for parents who were standing right there, proud and tall.

I was tired of standing because it was hard to match their energy. So, I went to a bench little away from this whole dancing thing. Since it was an open area, I could see them clearly and talk to them too. There was a young couple sitting beside me. Looking at the couple, I figured, they were still dating. The girl was sitting there all shy and looking around unsure and little lost. Where the guy was staring at her wandering eyes, absolutely sure that this was the girl. At times, he was extending his hand to hold hers but hesitant. Between I noticed all this, at a glance. And all the more reason for noticing them was that they were flattery about my kids. Especially the younger one really caught their attention. And the girl’s eyes were following the younger one. They were talking in a different language but from gestures, I figured that they were talking about Shreya and was totally floored by her looks and a high degree of cuteness.

After few minutes, both the girls were tired and started snacking on Milo nuggets. I don’t know how healthy these snacks are but once in a while, I allow them to munch on. Alas! This didn’t go down well with the younger one. After eating few, it was stuck in her throat and she started coughing. By the time, I could pull out the water bottle, she threw up all on her beautiful pink dress and some on the floor. You guys should know that babies’ puke doesn’t really smell and I know this because I had two. So, the couple who was just cuddly and all loving to my younger one hesitantly left. And few other people who were also sitting there, enjoying the dance and cuteness of my daughters started looking at us horrified. Yes, that’s the imperfect part of having a child. It’s not lovey-dovey and rosy all the time, babies puke, they shit and roll over on the floor. And it’s up to you on how you take it. It was a little embarrassing in the beginning but I am used to it. It doesn’t bother me anymore.

If you want to enjoy the fun and nice part of having a child then be prepared to take the shit too. It’s a child. And every future parent must understand that when people say they totally love and adore their kids, That’s because its 90%hard work is to put up with them but the 10% smile and joy one gets, you will not want to trade anything in this world for that.

Life is like that. In case you haven’t figured yet. It’s 90% unhappiness  and unwanted things and that 10% of happiness keeps you longing for more. One of the reasons why we are chasing “something”all the time! It’s also about everything that two sides of things – Happiness and unwanted things. Babies are like that too.

You would hate when babies poo in their diapers, when they puke in public places or on your expensive carpet, running around in the house like crazy and aimlessly, doing all non-sense things. But how about when they hug you, kiss you and say “I love you Mummy”, “I need you”, “I want you to be around”. You feel so wanted and loved. And motivated to live more to see more of your child growing up years. Only parents can understand the joy of seeing their child grow up.

Imagine if kids don’t do all crazy stuff, will they still be called “kids”? Parents with kids would know how the house looks like when kids are not at home. It is absolutely sad and haunted!!